Getting back on the horse

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Over the last couple of months, mine has come in the form of a sick dog and some shadows that needed a bit of love.

Simba and I went on a great camping trip with my good friend Bree. Isn’t it beautiful?

About a week after we got back, he got ill. There was a lot of poop, and most of it was happening overnight. To make a long story short, it’s been a bear trying to get him taken care of at the vet.

When I was trying to get an appointment for him and then advice on how to care for him while we waited the days to get in, I noticed I was getting very emotional. I knew I was scared. There was a lot going on in his poor body and neither him nor I were getting rest. But also, I knew there was something else going on for me.

It took a little bit to realise how much this was mirroring my own struggles with self-advocacy. Not only medically (oh how relieved I was earlier this year when I found a dentist who not only acknowledged my pain, but also pointed out why it was there on an x-ray), but also in other social situations.

And that’s where this has come from. Here are my learnings from the last 2 months:

Acknowledge what’s showing up for you

Truly, you can’t get anywhere until you give space for what’s happening. Sometimes it feels confronting and overwhelming and that’s okay. The thing is, just saying out loud what’s happening can feel like a relief.

My post-it note from this time simply said, “Why was I triggered by the vet stuff?” Theoretically, it could have been a really calm, firm conversation, but my breathing was shallow and my face was flushed by the end of it. They were probably stressed from their day and did not offer up any solutions other than more invasive tests, and I brought an energy of fear to the conversation, which escalated things.

Invite curiosity and compassion

When we’re going through it, we often encounter parts of ourselves that are ignored or repressed. These are our shadows—feelings, fears, and unresolved insecurities that need attention. By approaching these shadows with love and compassion, we’re able to shine a light on them and bring some resolution to things that feel unresolved.

In my case, there was a part of me that was scared I wouldn’t be able to stand up for myself. I was scared that I might scream and shout and still not be heard, or worse, I might fight and win and be too exhausted to do anything else.

Figure out what the needs are

All those feelings, fears, and insecurities have needs. The thing is, the only way to get to those needs is bringing your nervous system down enough to access your thinking brain. If you’re in survival mode, it’s hard to get perspective, so that’s where nervous system regulation comes in. In this situation, I needed to know that I was safe and so were my loved ones.

Take intentional action

I’m a big fan of thinking about action as internal or external. Sometimes you just need to settle into stillness and reflect. It might look like journaling, meditation, or maybe it’s just an internal conversation. I think of this as channeling your divine feminine.

At some point, you’re also going to have to take action in the external world. The fact of the matter is that we live in a physical world, and so part of our experience as humans is to engage, connect and create.

I took some time to do some work on those fears. There was a level of accessing the subconscious and bringing that to light. And there was also a level of working on my energetic body. There was an integrating of the scared little girl, who needed assurance that the adult here today heard her and had her back.

After doing my own inner work on all those fears, it was a lot easier to get my records from the vet, find a new vet, communicate with them about what I needed, and get to a resolution. And then there were the joys of getting back on track with the rest of life.

Life’s challenges aren’t there to test us. Instead, they create opportunities for healing and integration. Through my journey with Simba’s bum tum, I was given the gift of deepening my own insight and being able to choose my path forward. In the challenges you experience, you also have the opportunity to remember your own power and resourcefulness.

Speaking of getting back on track, my friend Claudia-Sam is hosting a giveaway that’s open until June 21, 2023. I’m offering a free coaching session on there, so do jump on in!