On shifting energy
Tansy Rodgers, darling human, masterful conversationalist and beautiful friend, invited me to join her in a conversation on her podcast about our relationship with money, scarcity and energy, and let me tell you, what a blessing to share space with Tansy. It’s my first time listening to myself in conversation on a podcast, and my emotions and energy were all over the place just thinking about listening to it. As I moved through these feelings that came up, I thought that perhaps there were nuggets to be shared from the journey.
I recall while recording this there were points where thoughts were coming in my mind, so numerous and so quickly, that I was pretty damn sure I was off track, but Tansy was reassuring and kind and loving. As I was listening to it, I had a vision of Tansy herding cats, and friend, I was the cat. The other thing that comes to mind is the Elijah Wood “Do you wear wigs?” interview, only I was Dominic Monaghan and Tansy was Elijah Woods, valiantly holding the ship together.
But back to the idea of shifting energy. I had all sorts of feelings listening to the recording. Partly because, as mentioned, despite Tansy’s assurance that we were all good, I was pretty sure I had misunderstood the assignment on some of those questions! There were questions asked that went unanswered. Instead I had decided to create my own rambling paths to walk down. I remember thinking, “Man, I am fully in my campaigning politician era. Screw your questions, I’m just going to answer my own question.” Sorry, forgive me, thank you, and I love you, Tansy!
The other thing that came up as I was listening to the recording was anxiety over hearing my own voice. Childhood wounds can still carry weight. I know many of us have issues with hearing our voice. The unfamiliarity of hearing my voice outside my head is layered on top of a moment in my childhood that I remember, where my mom was listening to the Beach Boys. A couple of years before that point in time, I had been singing the Beach Boys around the house and she’d asked me to stop, saying she didn’t like them. So hearing her play the Beach Boys took me off guard. When I asked her about that, she said, “Oh, I just didn’t want to listen to you sing anymore.” Ooof, that still carries a little sting.
This is all to say that I had a lot of emotions and tension leading up to listening to the episode. I noticed that I was able to listen to Tansy’s preamble and introduction with excitement, but the moment she was about to go into our time together, I hit pause. Through the years, I’ve noticed that unconsciously, my body knows what I need. And what I needed in that moment was to move. Movement is such a great way to shift energy for me. I started with a quick vacuum while the episode played. Then it evolved into talking the dog out for a walk. And then a couple of sprints. Though don’t be fooled, I’m no longer anything close to an athlete and 3 rounds of about 6 seconds at full pace was all my heart and lungs could manage.
So here’s my point, and my invitation to you. As you approach areas of discomfort, what do you notice your body telling you? If you have discomfort with money, what do you notice yourself doing when you think about money?
For me, I move when the energy becomes a bit much. I fidget. I will sometimes shimmy in my chair. And when it’s accessible, I’ll walk and process. I’ll vacuum, because the movement settles my nervous system. As a bonus, sucking up all of the dog fur settles my anal retentiveness about the damn floors.
What is it for you? Do you bite your fingernails? Do you find yourself seeking air? Do your eyes drift away and you look for beautiful things? And how can you bring that to your practice when you engage with discomfort, in a way that serves you? What do you need to settle your nervous system?
In this world where we live with the wounded masculine (more on that in the podcast!), where our sense of value and safety is so tightly connected with what we do and produce, there can be the compulsion to jump right into doing. But if the doing involves something that is unconsciously connected to wounds, the doing comes with emotional responses that might not be serving you in this moment, right now.
We go into this in my interview with Tansy, but your emotional reaction is often triggered by a long-forgotten wound. In my example earlier, my anxiety listening to the podcast was layered. There was the adult that remembered my interpretation of the moment, as we recorded it. And there was also the child, who lived in the perceived truth that my mom didn’t like hearing my voice, so better to not have my voice heard.
If I had ignored those emotions, I would have missed out on the gems (and I swear there were some!), and missed out on learning moments, and missed out on laughter as I made the connection between this interaction and Elijah Wood, trying to hold it together in that fake interview. Acknowledging my emotions and applying strategies for shifting energy, for grounding, gave me access to a more loving and more compassionate engagement with that podcast than might have been possible otherwise.
Perhaps you have a date scheduled with your money. Perhaps you simply know that there is a task that needs to be done. Perhaps it’s money-related, and perhaps it’s not. Perhaps there is a low hum of emotion as you think of your next step. My questions for you are:
What would it take for you to allow this emotion to be heard?
What would it take for you to acknowledge and express it?
What do you need to feel safe as you do so?
And what would it take for you to be able to extend yourself some love and compassion?
I wonder what joys and gems you may access by allowing your emotions to be heard, and then allowing that energy to move through you.
With love,
Brittany
P.S. Despite what you heard on the podcast about being non-prescriptive, I ended up creating a workbook on Designing a Nourishing Money Date. I still like to think it’s non-prescriptive, but provides enough structure for you to create a first draft of your own money date. If it prompts ideas for you, I’d love to hear about it!
